omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
