OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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