You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
