just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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