Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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