I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
