Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
