I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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