Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
