theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
