So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize