How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
