That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
