May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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