My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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