so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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