There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
