my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
