dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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