sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
