im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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