It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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