The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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