im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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