brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
