Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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