I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My vagina just clenched in fear
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