1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
