Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize