quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize