the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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