So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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