I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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