We're like a lot better than the average bears
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
