Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize