After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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