i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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