Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
