wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
