they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
