Do vagina's smell?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
