i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
