Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
