he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
