i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she told me i tasted like america
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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