Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
