i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
