we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
