Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
