Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
