i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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