miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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