I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
