The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
