Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize