Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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