do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
