Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
