jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
