I can't watch pbs sober anymore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
