you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
