If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just cropdusted the office
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
