That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
