Michael Bay diarrhea
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
