yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
