Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
