i barfeds in our rink
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize