i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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