Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
