She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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