toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
