guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize