I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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