just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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