why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
