Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
