I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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