so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
